Notes from St Gradius
by Sana Jisushi
Summary: [Otomedius] So what are the faculty thinking during an average day at St. Gradius Academy?


**Standard Issue St. Gradius Teacher's Notebook  
X month, X day, 2011**

Another day. Grade those papers for Class 3-A before Sunday. Maybe that's too optimistic. Before the end of the month, then.

Hoping we don't have another alien invasion drill today. Last time, I returned to find coffee all over my binder and all the chalk missing. But then, maybe I shouldn't hope that. With my luck there will be an actual invasion instead, and the Bacterians won't even have the decency to destroy the corner store down the street that hasn't bothered to repair its broken slushie machine in three years.

7:45

Just what I need, another large stack of paperwork from the office. Mostly uniform purchase forms and things from physical examination day. You know, why do we even have physical examination day? Is it really that vital to put somebody's three sizes on her student ID? A few of the faculty members agreed with this, but everybody else looked at me like I'd grown another head. Note to self, keep weird complaints to self, especially if they're just an excuse to do less paperwork.

Also some forms in here for other records. Must speak with Miss Kune(?) and family re: proper spelling of surname. Theory: variations caused by racist ancestors.

8:00

Second-year history is usually the low point of the day. Miss Hanafuuma won't stop talking about her ancestors in the 16th century, although she insists upon calling it the Demon Age. Miss Belmont keeps bringing up her own ancestors throughout the Middle Ages. Miss Tron goes on about the Gradians and history before human civilization.

We're supposed to be discussing the _Cold War_.

It could be worse.

9:00

Incident in first-year Phys Ed class. Perhaps Miss Nium should be excused from swimming. So far the only blanket pool exemptions have been granted to the two robots, but I believe seeing her sink like a block of granite and sit nonchalantly at the bottom of the pool while her classmates panic will be all the evidence that the school needs.

Not sure why we have two robot students in the first place. Headmistress changed subject when I asked.

9:50

Rumours going around about a girl in a Kirameki uniform being sighted around the school. We don't have any transfer students from there. Should look into this.

Also suspect something odd about that new teacher. You know, the one who goes around demanding she be called "Konami Lady". I'm not even sure what her real name is. I'll be checking the records a lot tonight, apparently. She came in with a large crate marked "salvage" and started talking about setting the contents around the school on the weekend for some kind of training exercise. I wasn't informed that the school was booked then. Nobody ever tells me anything.

11:00

I don't know who thinks corrupting the youth is funny, but whoever taught Miss Madoka the Engineer's Cadence and instructed her to sing it in the halls is on my list.

11:45

Went outside after my last class and spotted the Kirameki girl behind the batting cage. Fairly sure it's Fujisaki, that one girl who always wins the academic competitions. And the sports competitions. All of them. Scouting out our softball team's strategies, no doubt. I would have approached her, but I saw that Ms. Rika was already speaking to her. Always good to see that the rest of the faculty is as diligent as I am.

Speaking of which, I should get to my next class before the students call "fifteen-minute rule".

12:00

Spotted Miss Aoba and Miss Tron discussing their math grades. Not entirely sure how the former can consistently fail when all of her friends are anywhere from average to overachieving. She sits around with at least three geniuses and a number of hard workers and still got a 30 on that last test. This requires study.

Found discarded robot piece in janitor's closet. Curious.

12:30

Food fight in lunch room. Absolute disaster. Daikon salad everywhere. Soup on the windows. About fifty students had to be made to clean up afterward.

Had to instruct Miss Belmont not to eat abandoned beef croquettes found on floor in aftermath. She responded that she saw nothing wrong with eating meat recovered from questionable sources. Disconcerting. Sent a note home to her older brother about this.

Cause of food fight unknown. Apparently some comment or other about aliens.

1:00

Assembly in the gymnasium on interplanetary relations. Called up a number of alien students to "share their stories". Miss Tron's speech about her brother would have been the most powerful had she not conspired with the A/V committee to blast rock music before, during, and after. Miss Nium began speaking about mistreatment and prejudice but got sidetracked and rambled for five minutes about goats. Did anybody rehearse?

1:50

Saw something through the window. Oh, don't tell me we really will have to evacuate the school again.

1:55

We have to evacuate the school again.

3:00

How the same group of students always decides to conveniently excuse themselves just before the invasion alarm goes off and bears a striking resemblance to the team of robot-flying magical girls working for G-Organization yet expects nobody to suspect them of anything is beyond me. Even worse is how _nobody actually seems to suspect them of anything_. I worry about their fellow students' comprehension skills.

Headmistress asked me to ease up on giving the ones I'm in charge of detention. Fairly sure she's in on it. Well, they should at least be honest about it. Ms. Rika seemed to agree with me when I brought it up in the teachers' lounge. Perhaps she has some common sense.

As for the actual evacuation, it was a tremendous pain. The sirens hurt my ears, everybody was chattering about pointless things and not listening, students kept going the wrong way when we ushered them to the exits, people kept trying to go back for their things instead of just leave, the usual. Counting the students took forty-five minutes. I hate this place.

The aliens didn't even destroy the corner store.

3:30

Well, that's over.

Meeting with drama club. Costumes are on their way. Miss Twee and Esmeralda – should consult the school records for her surname. Does she even have one? – have both almost memorized their lines. They seem to be competing over who will perform more perfectly on opening night... or rather, Miss Esmeralda is trying to compete and Miss Twee is simply putting in the extra effort for fun. There are always students like that. I certainly hope it doesn't end up causing any trouble.

Reminded Miss Kune for the fourth time that casting has already been held and she cannot try for Miss Twee's part, and besides, she is far too young for the audience to suspend belief that she and Miss Esmeralda are around the same age. Miss Kune responded that Juliet is supposed to be twelve years old anyway. Reminders that this is usually glossed over in modern adaptations for reasons of sensibility and audience revulsion towards age gaps that would in these days be illegal did not sit well with her, and she spent the remainder of the meeting sulking in the corner. Dealing with precocious children should come with a pay raise.

4:45

Packing up and leaving for the day. I'll do more marking at home. Hopefully nobody will make odd remarks about Melian cookie monsters inventing communism on the history exams. The sad thing is that this has actually come in to me on a test before.

Oh, I never did get to the office. I'll do it tomorrow.


End file.
